why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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