great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
