I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
