my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
