Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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