eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
