dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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