just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
