she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
This baby is an asshole
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
