Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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