Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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