and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
