remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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