so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
