The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
