he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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