While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
