We're facebook friends in real life
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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