She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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