DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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