you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
