Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
