I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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