Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...

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  (310): My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one... http://tfl.nu/9s73
  Replies (6) Good night (655) Bad night (1118)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?

  (216): View more from Ohio

  ... about that ...

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  (440): thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok? (216): ... about that ... http://tfl.nu/8foz
  Replies (6) Good night (847) Bad night (3404)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.

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  (910): ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality. http://tfl.nu/m81e
  Replies (5) Good night (1620) Bad night (3614)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?

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  (419): How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles? http://tfl.nu/1dpq
  Replies (12) Good night (1700) Bad night (4483)
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.

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  (308): Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies. http://tfl.nu/eijo
  Replies (20) Good night (8054) Bad night (862)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina

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  (763): i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina http://tfl.nu/awuu
  Replies (30) Good night (1052) Bad night (7862)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.

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  (250): for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know. http://tfl.nu/4n1i
  Replies (7) Good night (3620) Bad night (831)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.

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  (518): I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed. http://tfl.nu/jame
  Replies (0) Good night (648) Bad night (855)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.

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  (832): Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start. http://tfl.nu/gyl1
  Replies (8) Good night (708) Bad night (1297)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.

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  (516): I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are. http://tfl.nu/mo3l
  Replies (6) Good night (1913) Bad night (568)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.

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  (734): This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving. http://tfl.nu/sgt2
  Replies (4) Good night (418) Bad night (536)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days

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  (917): Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days http://tfl.nu/z3dv
  Replies (2) Good night (519) Bad night (388)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.

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  (636): Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you. http://tfl.nu/ltvz
  Replies (1) Good night (659) Bad night (407)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...

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  (801): I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird... http://tfl.nu/2iq6
  Replies (2) Good night (748) Bad night (311)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.

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  (801): Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword. http://tfl.nu/ixwe
  Replies (1) Good night (371) Bad night (162)

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