idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Sober January is a disaster.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.