if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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