Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(503): View more from Oregon

What's wrong?

(1-503): View more from Oregon

Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.

(503): View more from Oregon

Pussy.

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(503): What's wrong? (1-503): Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans. (503): Pussy. http://tfl.nu/sltt

Replies (18) Good night (919) Bad night (2255)
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(513): View more from Ohio

just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America

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(513): just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America http://tfl.nu/08yj

Replies (23) Good night (7057) Bad night (1423)
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(334): View more from Alabama

she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.

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(334): she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/rmvr

Replies (39) Good night (1450) Bad night (5603)
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(864): View more from South Carolina

We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.

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(864): We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian. http://tfl.nu/x5ta

Replies (18) Good night (7148) Bad night (2200)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.

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(814): Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now. http://tfl.nu/xg11

Replies (16) Good night (6859) Bad night (2271)
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(253): View more from Washington

The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.

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(253): The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore. http://tfl.nu/j34l

Replies (8) Good night (990) Bad night (3408)
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(205): View more from Alabama

Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.

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(205): Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it. http://tfl.nu/qoct

Replies (15) Good night (2342) Bad night (673)
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(734): View more from Michigan

He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.

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(734): He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point. http://tfl.nu/zkwk

Replies (4) Good night (1360) Bad night (618)
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(406): View more from Montana

Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?

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(406): Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver? http://tfl.nu/hdgc

Replies (6) Good night (529) Bad night (2112)
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(423): View more from Tennessee

Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?

(707): View more from California

...did you eat that brownie?

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(423): Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic? (707): ...did you eat that brownie? http://tfl.nu/j241

Replies (2) Good night (2319) Bad night (496)
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(469): View more from Texas

I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some

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(469): I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some http://tfl.nu/99sq

Replies (5) Good night (1904) Bad night (485)
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(240): View more from Maryland

I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.

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(240): I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep. http://tfl.nu/5qdv

Replies (7) Good night (837) Bad night (373)
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(916): View more from California

I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.

(831): View more from California

Promise??

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(916): I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird. (831): Promise?? http://tfl.nu/1nt5

Replies (3) Good night (696) Bad night (532)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.

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(202): A big toe in my vag is not foreplay. http://tfl.nu/p4zv

Replies (13) Good night (427) Bad night (1818)
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(207): View more from Maine

But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome

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(207): But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome http://tfl.nu/qpzb

Replies (8) Good night (646) Bad night (321)

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