what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
