This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Randomize
