I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
