Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
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Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
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Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
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