Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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