dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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