I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
