I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
