Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
