jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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