My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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