We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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