why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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