he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
