According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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