If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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