She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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