I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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