I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I could make wine with my vomit
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
