i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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