either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
