he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
