Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
