the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
