yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I think I won the penis lottery.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
