Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
