i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
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His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
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I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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