it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
