I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
