i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
