Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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