Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize